Why Deidara Joined Akatsuki
by Kira the Great
Summary: Always wonder why Deidara joined Akatsuki when he seemed to have everything going for him? Well, here's the answer! HumorNaruto oneshot, rated T for implied content.


Note: I love Deidara. He is the smex.

Why Deidara Joined Akatsuki

"Ne, Deidei!"

The blonde visually shrunk, his shoulders rising up to his ears and his hands clenching into odd shapes at the sound of the high-pitched voice he hated so much. He turned slowly, his good eye coming to rest on his partner. "What, Tobi?"

"Ne, Deidei, you never said why you joined the Akatsuki, did you?"

"Like I want you to know, un," muttered Deidara as he started to walk away from Tobi quickly, the dirt crunching under his sandals.

Tobi hurried to catch up with him and looked Deidara in the face, stopping the narcissistic ninja in his tracks. He leaned forwards until his bright, obnoxious orange mask was inches from Deidara's face.

"Teeellll meee!" he said slowly, drawing the words out and then ending them rapidly.

"Fine, un," replied Deidara, folding his arms over his chest. "Just step back, un."

Tobi took a step back and then plopped onto the ground, looking up at Deidara eagerly, as if he were a child waiting for a fairy-tale to be told.

Dei dara glowered at him for a moment before looking up at the sky and starting his tale, "It was a long time ago, un."

Tobi nodded vigorously, and Deidara continued, "It was only a few years ago, when I was maybe thirteen, un. I was on my way home from classes at the local academy when…"

xxx

"Deidara-kun!"

Deidara stopped walking, his shoulder scrunching visibly at the sound of the girl coming towards him. She grinned as she came up in front of him and turned around, her giant, brown eyes oogling at him.

"Ne, Deidara-kun! I saw you today and I waved, but you didn't wave back!"

"Must have missed it, un," he replied, crossing his arms over his small chest.

"Ne, ne, Deidara-kun, I have a question to ask you!" she said, but he walked around her, continuing on his way. "Deidara-kun!" she shouted running up beside him. "It's really important!"

He glanced at her and then rolled his eyes. "What?"

"IwasthinkingthatmaybeyouandIcouldgooutsometime," she said quickly, and he had to stop walking to try and figure out what the hell she had just said.

When it struck him, his eyes went wide. "You're kidding, right?"

She shook her head vigorously and looked at him hopefully. "Please, Deidara-kun? I know that the Tsuchikage is planning to have a village-wide dance get-together, and I was really, really, really hoping you'd go with me."

He shook his head. "I don't dance, un."

He walked past her again, but she began to chuckle. "Well, I guess you wouldn't want me to spread any rumors about what you use your hands for, now would you?"

He froze and looked back at her. "What are you talking about, un?"

"I'm talking about what the mouths in your hands are good for," she said, her malicious grin growing wider and wider.

"I can eat things and then turn them into clay and make them explode," he said, bewildered, as if this was something she should have known. Almost, as an afterthought—"Un."

She just grinned, and slowly, very, very, very slowly, it dawned on the young teenager what she was talking about.

His face went pale and his eyes went wide.

"You're joking!" he shouted, his body going into involuntary shivers. "That's so gross, un!"

"If you don't go to the dance with me, then _everyone_ in our village will think that that's what you use your hands for!" she said triumphantly. "Now then, what will it be, Deidara-kun?!"

He slumped over in defeat.

xxx

"Waaaaiiiit," said Tobi suddenly, his hand shooting into the air. "How can that be what made you join? _Everyone_ does that! It's not even that bad! I hear it's _good_ for you and—""

Deidara dramatically looked away, as if the entire ordeal had been much, much worse. "You don't know the rest, un."

"—and that it helps to keep you strong and healthy!" Tobi finished, as if he hadn't even heard Deidara talking. "So I don't see what's so bad about it."

"As I _said_," Deidara tired again, "you don't know the rest—"

"But why would it matter if you did it or not? I mean, you're such a narcissist and all. I'm sure no one would have thought any different of you—or maybe they already knew, and just never said anything…" he continued right through what Deidara was saying. "Wait! Did they all know already and then kick you out of the village, and now you want to get back at them? Oooh, I'll bet that's it, isn't it? That has to be it! Or maybe—"

"I LEFT BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE LIKE YOU, UN!" shouted Deidara. He whirled around and stalked away, Tobi wiggling his finger in his ear and then jumping to his feet and hurrying after Deidara.

"I think you _liikkkeeed_ her!" he sang. "Is that why you left, huh huh? Did you leave because she rejected you? Maybe she thought your mouths were gross—I do. They're kind of icky. I mean, mouths on your _hands_? What are they good for, anyways? I don't see—"

And that was when Deidara turned around and grabbed Tobi by the head and commenced to devour him.

xxx

Later that night, Leader and Partner looked from one to the other, and then back at Deidara.

"Y-you…want another partner?" asked Partner.

Deidara nodded.

"What happened to Tobi?" asked Leader.

"He had a close-encounter of the mouth-kind, un," Deidara replied.

Once more, Leader and Partner exchanged glances. "Well, alright. We do have one in reserves, but Deidara, you really have to control how much you eat…we can't just keep giving you new partners every time you eat yours!"

"Un," he replied. "Who are they?"

"DEIDARA-KUUUNNN!"

His eyes went wide, his shoulders hunched, and he promptly collapsed as the girl from his village raced into the room, a huge grin on her face.

End.

Well, for one, I don't know how Deidara and Tobi talk, or any of the others of the Akatsuki members, so don't kill me…I think I may have gone over-board with the "un," but whatever. I like it :) Just pretend they're all OOC. And the girl? She's not an OC. Just some random Stone-chick from somewhere. I unno…just random shit that came up when my roomie and I were discussing how Deidara discovered just how useful his hands could be :)


End file.
